


Please keep on beating, Heart

by annplanet



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, i just felt like pointing that out, i think, in a heartbeat inspired, it's really angsty you guys, no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 15:14:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11716998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annplanet/pseuds/annplanet
Summary: Alec Lightwood, a closeted man, in love with his best friend.Magnus Bane, a magical man, in love with his best friend.Insipired by In A Heartbeat, a short animated film





	Please keep on beating, Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hey you guys! This story just came out of no where and hit me. Also this was kind of spontaneous and not beta read by anyone but myself. So please point out the mistakes if there are any.  
> If any of you know me from my other story The King and His King, i'm still writing the fourth chapter, I just have one and half scenes left.   
> I really don't know how to write these any more.   
> Please if you get offended or saddened by topics such as internalized homophobia or such, please don't read this story. THIS IS A WARNING.  
> I really don't know how much of this story contains of that, but I don't want to take my chances.   
> Okay now on with the story.  
> Hope you enjoy!

"Oh no no no! Hey, watch out!"

Alec Lightwood's eyes were skimming his novel's page before his sight had gotten rudely invaded by the appearance of a bright red apple.

His back hits the trunk of the tree in alarm, frightened by the obnoxious color, when a solid figure looms over his slumped posture.

He looks up to see a very a handsome man standing in front of him, looking adorably apologetic. The man appears to be very stylish, his hair fancily styled up with a few violet streaks in them, and a tight mid-shade blue button-down shirt with deep red pants. His apologetic face shows hints of makeup on it...not that Alec minded, it looked very...magical on the man.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't know what I was doing by trying to catch the apple like _that_. I didn't hit you, right?" _God_ , the man's voice is heavenly. And he spoke way too fast for Alec's attention is more on keeping his heart from pumping out of his chest.

_He's worried that he's hit me_ , Alec dreamily thought. He even began to wonder whether he had been hit by the apple on his _fast-beating heart_.

Alec sees the man's expectant face and inwardly shakes his head. Now is really not the time to be spent on making googly-eyes. "Uh, no. You didn't." Wait, did Alec's voice always sounded this rumbling and deep?

The God standing in front of them still did not change his worried stance. "I'm in a way glad for three reasons that this apple fell on you, though," the man says, once he began to smile. He holds his hand out for Alec to shake it. "I'm Magnus Bane. I'm new here."

Alec swears that his heart almost lurched out when he shook Magnus' hand firmly and weakly at the same time. "I'm Alec Lightwood. I-uhm, I'm old here," he chuckles weakly. He internally smacked himself in the face because duh, he's obviously old _here_. He's wearing a sweater that boldly says "IDRIS UNIVERSITY" with loose threads seeping out and faded colors due to over-wash.

"Oh really?" Magnus giggles, but not maliciously. "One of the reasons I'm happy that this apple fell on you. Seeing you as the first person I've met on this campus, I now know for sure that not everyone over here as haughty as everyone says people here are."

_Why is he speaking as fast as my heartbeat?_ "I'm glad you saw me as that, but I'm not sure that I'm a great example of everyone here," Alec says awkwardly.

Magnus didn't let the atmosphere remain hostile by the comment. "Well, who says I need to speak to everyone?" he shrugs. He lets the corner of his lips tilt into a smirk. Alec had to swallow a thick lump in his throat.

"Which department are you studying under?" Alec asks immediately, joyous about the fact that Magnus was continuing to talk to him and seemed to be eager as well. He even unconsciously let an endearing smile linger on his face.

"I'm in the medical stream," Magnus replies, also visibly glad. "Which reminds me, I don't where my building is. Could you show me where it is?"

Alec's eyebrows perks up in pleasant surprise. He at least scored more time with the interesting man standing in front of him. "Uh- yeah. I can." He gets up enthusiastically from his spot, dusting off any traces of dirt on his jeans. He holds on to his books more loose than he has ever held them before and begins to walk side by side with Magnus. He also makes a frank observation that he's taller than Magnus.

Together, the two men began to make small talk. Alec figures out that Magnus wants to be a doctor and had decided that many years ago, along with his best friend Catarina Loss. He switched universities because he wanted to remain close to his foster family who were nearer to the area of Idris University. Alec was slightly curious about Magnus' actual family, but decides that if he didn't mention it, he didn't want to share it.

In return, Alec speaks about what he was studying and his siblings, who were his only joy in this world. Alec studies in the literature department, and was eager to become an author. He even disclosed some plots to Magnus from whom he receives impressed looks. He animatedly describes each of his siblings, Izzy, Jace and Max. Magnus makes him promise that he wants see them soon as they sound the best from Alec's description of them. Alec can't even think of disagreeing.

Once, they had reached the building for medical students, Alec turns to Magnus curiously. "You said that you were glad that the apple fell on my book for three reasons. You only said one."

Magnus tries to jog his memory, judging from his faux thoughtful expression. "I did, didn't I?" He mused. "I was glad to meet you that way because you looked like someone who I could be really close friends with."

Alec's signature blush burned in his cheeks. He was wondering where they had gone. "And the other reason?" He asks, very embarrassed by reddened face. Magnus didn't mind it though.

"I spoke to someone who was so pretty, that my day was instantly made better." Magnus answers with a wink. He adjusts his strap on his shoulder and begins to walk into his classroom with a graceful skip.

The magical man left the scared man behind, with an ungraceful skip backwards in fear. _Oh no_ , Alec had begun to think, _Oh shit_.

_Alec's heart's hope has been awakened_.

~~  ~~  ~~

Alec is a closeted man.

He has been ever since he was fourteen, when he had first begun to realize what he preferred.

Not girls... That's for sure.

Of course, he couldn't keep the fact in to himself for too long before he revealed it to his supportive sister, Isabelle Lightwood. Or Izzy for short.

He remembers the sad day when he cried out the fact about himself. He had gone to school that day and when he returned, his eyes were wet with no future of ever being dry. His friends had been mercilessly teasing him of not having a girlfriend when every other boy did. He remembered running up to his room and screaming at himself in the mirror, and Izzy, who was sick that day and decided to stay at home, overheard him.

The moment she entered into his room to confront him about it, he ran his long and lean legs into his bathroom and locked himself. It took about two hours for his sister to coerce him out of there. When he had gotten out, his sister did everything she could to make Alec know that she would always be there for him no matter what.

This bond simply solidified even more ever since then.  

Jace, his adopted brother, found out purely through guesswork. Which was surprising for both Izzy and Alec as they never thought of him to be as observant as in figuring things like this out. But the blonde haired boy showed the same support and love to Alec as well. He even had offered to help Alec introduce to some guys but Alec's brain simply short circuited and he flat out refused.

The last thing he needed was his parents finding out about his sexuality.

Alec was never to close with his parents. He used to with his mother when he was younger, but as he grew older, he realized that not everything his mother taught him could be well compatible with him. Also, his mother became more strict and harsher with him and his siblings as they grew older. To say that she was a person who only condoned peer pressure on her children would be an understatement of the year.

She was the peer pressure.

Alec doesn't remember clearly when his youngest brother, Max, found out. He in a way, suspected Izzy or Jace may have revealed to him mistakenly and explained him about the topic very thoroughly. The plus side was that Max was a young bright boy who was very eager to learn.

His most fondest memory about his siblings was one regarding his sexuality in fact.

It was during the late hours of night, and his siblings and he went on a camp trip. Without his parents of course. They had sat around a bonfire, and had been pointing out quirky things about Jace, who in turn gave his response to all their jabs with huffs and loud grunts.

"I still don't understand how you found out," Alec had quietly said when their playfulness had disappeared. It was a thought that always nagged his mind ever since Jace had approached him about it. They were all equally huddled in thick, warm blankets.

Jace grabbed one of corner of his blanket and shifted uncertainly, "I just...observed you know. I mean, I'm not that dumb." He rolled his eyes, though Izzy gave a disbelieving scoff. Max had just given a dubious look. But Alec stared at the honesty in Jace's eyes.

"You were good at hiding it, don't worry," Jace had rushed in, seeing Alec's state almost rise into a panicked one. "I just had a lot time to think about it and I also saw how close you and Izzy had become suddenly. I kind of just put two and two together and figured it out."

The moment had lead on with a unpleasing silence, all the younger siblings observing their oldest brother. It was Max who had gotten up from his foldable chair, with a plushy around his shoulders and had walked up to Alec only to cuddle his oldest brother fiercely.

"I don't think badly of you, Alec," Max had quietly said into the night. "I've always looked up to you. You'll still be the epic hero in my life."

That night, Alec had found himself to be cuddled to death by his siblings to death, with equal amount of tears in all of their eyes. All of their hearts were connected to each other in silent and invisible harmony and warmth.

Alec felt loved.

_The heart stretched out its arms to find another pairs of comforting ones in its palm, fitting in with ease._

_The heart was comforted and in peace, but still feared._

~~  ~~  ~~

Alec eventually did introduce his siblings to Magnus. Magnus in turn became his closest friend in the campus and even extended the friendship outside of it a well. Magnus would often visit Alec him in his apartment and hear him rant about a random classic that has either made Alec passionate or frustrated. Sometimes it was both.

Alec would also hear and help out Magnus during his stress and ramblings. He knew that the Asian man was upset with the way his teachers covered the material for his exams and the amount of extra work such as projects they demanded. Alec once almost even fainted when he saw Magnus carried a _really_ huge book from which he had to study from.

It was only six months into the year and yet the two friends were inseparable. Magnus was by no means, an anti-social,  but he preferred to keep a group of close knit friends that always knew when he needed space or when he needed comfort. Alec is proud of the fact that he has now become a part of  Magnus' circle as well.

Alec met Catarina, Ragnor and Raphael, three of the mentioned closed friends. Though Catarina was comforting and kind, Alec had gotten along immediately with Ragnor, one of Magnus' older friends, who like Alec, also loved to study the humanities and arts stream. Alec still had no luck with becoming friends with Raphael for he was slightly closed off and unfriendly at first. Though, Alec was pleasantly surprised by the subtle signs of relaxation shown by Raphael during the course of their friendship.

One day, Alec had gone out to a pub with Magnus and Jace. He was pleased to see that Magnus and Jace got along really well despite his initial wariness of those two's first meeting. It looked like they were more similar than Alec had thought.

"Alexander, did you choose this place all by yourself?" Magnus had purred to him the day they were in the pub. He had been dressed in his typical fashion, even opting for blonde highlights in his hair. Jace had kept saying that Magnus only did that because he wanted to be more like him... Yes, Jace had gotten drunk way earlier than the other two men.

Alec had given Magnus a small, composed smile, though his stomach was drowned in warmth. "Yeah, I was just passing by this place and thought of calling in both of you," Alec had revealed, gesturing slightly around the pub with awkwardness.

Magnus had laughed lightheartedly and leaned in to mock-whisper in Alec's ear, loud enough for Jace to hear. "I was praying that this would be just between us, but maybe it's not too late to kick Blondie out."

Alec face had reddened at _that_ , but his heart also leaped at the hidden implication. Jace grunted at Magnus and snarked him with something but Alec doesn't remember what it was.

The hours had been long, Alec remembers, and he had a nagging feeling that Magnus was trying to tell him something. It hadn't been long before even Jace had started to widen his eyes at Alec, despite not being completely sober.

It had been only the third hour, when Magnus had leaned in again to whisper in Alec's ear. "It's my turn to get the drinks now, don't miss me too much," Magnus had teased and winked before leaving for the drinks.

Jace had straightened up and had looked into Alec's eyes directly. "He likes you," he had plainly stated. The words being given such a physical quality as a sound made Alec's heart to contract during that moment.

"I know," Alec had let out, tears springing in his eyes with a burn. Jace had then put his arm around Alec's shoulders in comfort.

"You can have him, you know? I've seen it up close. He makes you happier." Alec closed his eyes firmly, willing the tears to not spill.

"Mom and dad are getting involved in my life again. I can't afford to let myself slip. I can't give Magnus what he wants." Alec had let out a sob. "I can't give everyone what they want."

"Hey," Jace had begun. "I'm not talking about giving Maryse and Robert what they want. I'm talking about giving yourself what you want. I mean, how do you even know whether our parents would disagree with you on about yourself?"

"They will," Alec said harshly. "I just know they will."

"Alec-" Jace had tried to soothe Alec's nerves again, but by then Magnus had arrived with their drinks. He had arrived with a bright smile but had also easily noticed the hastily wiped tear tracks in Alec's cheeks. Alec was eternally grateful to Magnus for not bringing it up and carrying on like nothing happened.

The entire night had ended in another two hours, with majority of the conversations shared between Jace and Magnus. Magnus tried to include Alec in, but Jace constantly deviated the topics. knowing that his hurt brother was breaking on the inside.

After that incident, Magnus was never the same with Alec. He still was his flirtatious self, enough for him so that people can roll their eyes at him playfully and say 'That's Magnus Bane', but Alec could sense the lack of implications and seriousness in Magnus' teasing and flirty remarks.

Alec even confronted Jace whether he spoke of the complete version of the night to Magnus by any chance, but he also knew that his brother won't have made the mistake. '

So Alec lost the best part of his best friend. He began to even doubt whether Magnus even liked him after the ceasing of the flirty comments.

_The heart quivered in the cold belly of fear._

~~  ~~  ~~

  
"Seriously, how fast do you even go through these classical nonsense?" Magnus says to him one day, while walking to their respective lecture halls. Magnus himself was carrying two hefty looking books on biology, while Alec was carrying a notebook and the classical novel 'Gone with the wind'.

Alec gives Magnus a shrug with a lopsided smile. "It's meant for extra credit." He playfully bumped Magnus with his shoulder. "And come on, I've seen you go through those textbooks without faltering once."

_The heart glowed in the slight touch, just like it always does._

"Maybe we have been wired too differently," Magnus throws at him, chuckling for no reason as well. "I don't know why we're even walking together, Jane Austen."

"I sure do understand what you're talking about, Archimedes," Alec throws back, pushing Magnus again with his shoulder, except with more force.

That makes Magnus go a little too much to the side and dropping his bulky books.

Magnus groans. "Ugh, look what you've done. You know what my professor said to me the other day? That someone of my age shouldn't be bending down to this level and lifting weights."

Alec shrugs and smirks. "Sucks to be you."

Magnus growls playfully. "That's it." With that, Magnus lunges for Alec, snatching away his novel. The mere action made both the men's chests bump.

_The heart shivered, but not from the cold, but from recognition; familiarity_

"Magnus! Give it back!" Alec began to try and grab Magnus for his book. "We have to go to our classes!" Yet, Alec Lightwood was still laughing. His eyes young again.

"You have to fight for it," Magnus says in a sing-song voice. Alec stops and puts his hand on his hips in a _really?_ pose. Then he attacks again.

With tickles.

Magnus began to laugh and wheeze at the sudden pressure on his ticklish sides. His laughter was purely from his own heart.

_It rejoices at the sound of purity. Finally, it's found someone_

"Give. Me. Back. My. Book!" Alec tries to say amidst his own happiness. Before he knew it, he's lifting Magnus into the air, his arms around Magnus' waist, squeezing _tightly_ , yet with gentle pressure. A shiver racks through Magnus' body when he makes an excited sound at suddenly being in the air.

_The heart is happy to feel the reciprocation_.

"Now meet your defeat, Alexander Gideon Lightwood," Magnus proclaims suddenly. He puts his arms around Alec's neck and pulls him forwards to disrupt the taller boy's balance.

It worked. Alec suddenly finds himself landing on Magnus' body on the ground, his face buried in Magnus' chest. He feels the vibrations of the ongoing laughter within Magnus, through his chest. Alec, in turn, couldn't stop himself from smiling.

_It reaches out a hand, feeling the pleasure and buzz of the magnetic pull._

"You're an idiot," Alec admonishes Magnus, his hazel eyes boring into the deep brown ones. Magnus lifts up a hand to touch the happy crinkles in the corners of Alec's face.

"But I'm your idiot, right?" Magnus asks innocently.

_Finally, the heart finds the one. It finds the other hand_.

Alec leans his face forward, resting his forehead on Magnus'. He can feel the minty, cool breath of Magnus and a shiver extends from his lower half of his spine to his legs.

_It holds on tightly._

"What the hell are they even doing?" A mere whisper ruins it all.

Alec freezes in his position, and looks up. People have begun to gather around him and Magnus, pointing at them with invisible fingers. Whisper all passed around, drowning away Magnus' voice of concern.

The hand loosens, confused at what just went wrong.

Alec couldn't even make out what people were saying. All he could hear was the single passing judgment floating around, and his heart froze.

_The heart whines at the sudden pull away from what it has been yearning for._

_Yet, it still tries to hold on._

"Alexander? Please, ignore them. They don't matter," Magnus' pleading voice came next to his ear.  His same cool, minty breath that had softened Alec made him guarded again and he wretches himself away from Magnus.

Alec felt himself shatter even more when he saw the look of hurt blinking in Magnus' teary eyes. "Alexander?"

It's almost likes the same lined eyes were accentuating the terrible gut feeling Magnus was feeling as well. Alec hates to do this to Magnus. But he just... can't.

_The heart strains to keep holding on._

_To feel the warmth and comfort of feeling the other line of connection._

"Alec? Where are you going?"

_The heart is breaking. It started to feel the first crack._

"I'm sorry," Alec rasped out. "I'm sorry I've done this to you." Magnus eyes were trying so hard to understand. Alec's own felt the same.

_Second, but deeper crack was felt throughout_.

"Please, let's talk about this. _Don't go_."

But Alec does go.

In fact, he runs.

_The heart, wasn't even given a warning. It just suddenly..._

_...breaks._

~~  ~~  ~~

Alec was nursing his broken heart near the same tress he had first met Magnus under. When that lucky apple fell onto his own book.

Alec looks up at the branches, and wonders by seeing the light seeping through the foliage of leaves, of where is his heart. Maybe he left it back with Magnus, by mistake.

But then that would've made Alec stay back. It didn't. Therefore, it means it's... broken.

Alec forces a sob out of himself, thinking of all the times Magnus was there for him, the little things he did for him and the little things he had done _to_ him. Now it's all gone.

You see, Alec had long ago given up the hope he would find someone to bear his soul with. But as of recently, the hope was revived and burned with passion in as well. And now, there was just a void within him that was so painful yet had no weight in it.

But he still felt like he couldn't breathe.

Maybe, he should've kept it that way. Yet, he let his heart get the better of himself. Now, he spoilt himself too much. This wasn't fair.

Alec kneads his fingers together to try and feel the warmth of Magnus' hands. One time, Alec was surprisingly feeling really cold, and Magnus had taken his palms into his own and began to rub them together. That little action, that started from one point, spread to an entire are like a wild forest fire. And Alec would trade anything in the world to cope that feeling again.

He regrets too much of what he couldn't have had.

He forces another sob through him when he hears the rustle of bushes behind the tree he was sitting in front of. He looks up in alarm only to see that it was...

...Magnus Bane.

Magnus looks like he didn't go to the class he supposed to go to, because his hair was tussled, as if he was running. Maybe constantly, running to Alec.

"Alexander," he sobs out and falls next to Alec. Alec's own tears were dripping from his chin, now. "I'm so sorry that I forced you through that."

Alec looks at Magnus with wide eyes. No, this wasn't supposed to be the way how Magnus was  to interpret _this_. Alec unconsciously takes Magnus hands into his. "No, don't for a second blame yourself for this. I was the one who messed up."

Magnus gave an bitter laugh before turning away from the intensity of Alec's hazel hues. "I was always told to be the one who got attached way to easily." He sniffed quietly. "The one who fell in love too easily."

"Magnus, what?" Alec says, flabbergasted. His tears have now stopped. His eyes searching for every detail presented on Magnus' face.

Magnus turns back to him with eyes full of sorrow. "It's true, Alexander. I'm in love with you _. I love you_."

Alec lips were on Magnus. He tried to take those loving, the _oh so loving_ words, into his own mouth. Because that's what he was feeling all this time.

He was feeling loved. He was giving love.                 

Alec's lips tenderly encompass Magnus whimpering ones. It looked like Magnus wanted this for a long time as well. He eagerly opened his mouth to Alec to feel all of him. Alec's hands were on Magnus waist while Magnus' were in Alec's hair, trying to keep Alec's plump lips on his forever.

_The heart felt something connect to it again. It was the same hand that made it feel safe._

When Alec's tongue met Magnus, the tall man couldn't help but give a moan, Because this what he had always wanted. This is what he deserves. This is what he gives.

_The heart was confused, but as the scene continued, it began to understand and feel._

Before Alec knew it, he was lying on top of Magnus again. His chest was touching Magnus' completely. His kisses did not lose their fervor. They instead grew more passionate and intense.

He finally separated from Magnus, to stare at him with...love.

"Magnus...I love you,"  he let out.

_The heart was free, and supported._

The 'I love you too' that followed made the heart bounce around in joy and contentment.

_There wasn't two fast beating hearts._

_There was only one._

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is -justpresent (could someone please teach me how to connect links in the notes, like I just can't learn it by myself, ugh)  
> I thinking of making a twitter account though because tumbr is slightly confusing for me lmao XD  
> Comments are appreciated and so are kudos and bookmarks   
> Please let me know how to improve my writing.


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